A Progressive Gay Argument Against Gay Marriage

I find the debate over marriage equality in the United States to be inherently frustrating. Gays and lesbians fight for the right to be married and conservative groups argue that allowing these marriages would undermine the cornerstones of family values. Recently it seems that gay marriage is gaining traction in many states; however, I think that everyone should take a step back and consider what a marriage truly is.

Today, marriage has a legal definition: married couples are granted some rights that non-married couples are refused. This seems a bit odd to me because for most of history, marriage has been closely tied to religion. Religious groups have always chosen their own rituals and customs for marriage and historically have rejected same-sex couples from their marriage rituals. What I cannot seem to understand is why in a country that recognizes separation of church and state, marriage and law are intertwined.

The United States should grant civil unions to couples who wish to receive legal benefits. Establishing these legally recognized partnerships would eliminate any rational basis for governmental discrimination against any group, gay or straight. Couples who are religious should also be able to choose to get married, but marriage should be defined within the context of religions and should carry no legal weight. This way, religions can provide any criteria for marriage that they so choose, marriages would just carry no legal weight.

I think that to some these steps may seem radical, but I feel that this is the only reasonable and just way to address discrimination and permanently resolve the marriage debate.

Seeking Monogamous Gay Couple

I am a 20 year old gay man and I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. To the surprise of many other gay people that I have met, we are monogamous. While at first I did not think that this was unusual, I have begun to wonder if we are the atypical couple. When I think of a relationship I envision two people, regardless of gender, sharing an intimate emotional and physical bond that lasts over a period of time. Monogamy is practically built into my definition of a relationship. Is this too "heteronormative" of me?

I began doing some research to see if the non-monogamous gay relationship was really typical outside of my social circle. While I could not find any truly scientific studies, I found several books written about gay life, most of which seem to advocate varying degrees of open-relationships. I also watched video blogs on YouTube and did some internet reading and from this base of information it would seem that my boyfriend and I are truly in the minority. I wonder if I should feel threatened by these findings. 

The general explanatory themes seem to go one of two ways. Either gay men tend to be very liberal and have a more evolved and progressive view of relationships than heterosexual couples, or men are fundamentally different from women and the sexual desires of men fuels the need for sexual experimentation in a two-man relationship. I am not sure if I buy either of these explanations because they seem to claim that for men monogamy is "too hard."

While it may be in some ways more challenging to be in a monogamous relationship, it may also be more rewarding. To me, I am comforted by knowing that every night I will share my bed with the same guy and that I do not have to be jealous of other men. I would worry that in a non-monogamous relationship  problems may not be worked on because there is a disconnect between physical and emotional intimacy.

But maybe I am just too traditional.