I am a 20 year old gay man and I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. To the surprise of many other gay people that I have met, we are monogamous. While at first I did not think that this was unusual, I have begun to wonder if we are the atypical couple. When I think of a relationship I envision two people, regardless of gender, sharing an intimate emotional and physical bond that lasts over a period of time. Monogamy is practically built into my definition of a relationship. Is this too "heteronormative" of me?
I began doing some research to see if the non-monogamous gay relationship was really typical outside of my social circle. While I could not find any truly scientific studies, I found several books written about gay life, most of which seem to advocate varying degrees of open-relationships. I also watched video blogs on YouTube and did some internet reading and from this base of information it would seem that my boyfriend and I are truly in the minority. I wonder if I should feel threatened by these findings.
The general explanatory themes seem to go one of two ways. Either gay men tend to be very liberal and have a more evolved and progressive view of relationships than heterosexual couples, or men are fundamentally different from women and the sexual desires of men fuels the need for sexual experimentation in a two-man relationship. I am not sure if I buy either of these explanations because they seem to claim that for men monogamy is "too hard."
While it may be in some ways more challenging to be in a monogamous relationship, it may also be more rewarding. To me, I am comforted by knowing that every night I will share my bed with the same guy and that I do not have to be jealous of other men. I would worry that in a non-monogamous relationship problems may not be worked on because there is a disconnect between physical and emotional intimacy.
But maybe I am just too traditional.
